Kansas has enacted new laws to permit instruction in “Intelligent Design” (I.E. God created Earth and all life 6,000 years ago…) in schools. At first, I was horrified by this: school is for instruction in math, sciences, literature and history, not for the teaching of faith masquerading as fact. But then, I was enlightened: I have become a Pastifarian.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster [1]came to me in a dream. I was walking in an endless plain of fog, surrounded by vague and strangely frightening shadows. But then, a heavenly scent caressed my senses- a zesty meat sauce, perhaps. This was followed by a blinding light, and I fell to my knees- there before me was Him…His forceful but sort of limp appendages reaching [2], His glorious sauce the source of the heavenly aroma. And into my mind, he spoke: “I have created the Trees and placed them upon a Mountain. And lo, upon the plains near the Trees, and thus not too far from the Mountain, I have caused there to be a Midget [3]. And yet you doubt me?”
I could no longer doubt His Glory. The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Holy Plan, to challenge us by placing False Facts in the path of the Gullible, and to bring us to the true knowledge of the Pirate so that we might save ourselves from global warming. Yes, the Truth was clear.
I support the teaching of Intelligent Design in all schools- it can not be doubted that The Holy Word of Bobby and the truth of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism [4], must be given equal credence to other theories such as Intelligent Design and that other theory, the one involving logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence…science or whatever that twaddle is called.