I’ve been touched by his noodly appendage!

Kansas has enacted new laws to permit instruction in “Intelligent Design” (I.E. God created Earth and all life 6,000 years ago…) in schools. At first, I was horrified by this: school is for instruction in math, sciences, literature and history, not for the teaching of faith masquerading as fact. But then, I was enlightened: I have become a Pastifarian.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster came to me in a dream. I was walking in an endless plain of fog, surrounded by vague and strangely frightening shadows. But then, a heavenly scent caressed my senses- a zesty meat sauce, perhaps. This was followed by a blinding light, and I fell to my knees- there before me was Him…His forceful but sort of limp appendages reaching, His glorious sauce the source of the heavenly aroma. And into my mind, he spoke: “I have created the Trees and placed them upon a Mountain. And lo, upon the plains near the Trees, and thus not too far from the Mountain, I have caused there to be a Midget. And yet you doubt me?”

I could no longer doubt His Glory. The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Holy Plan, to challenge us by placing False Facts in the path of the Gullible, and to bring us to the true knowledge of the Pirate so that we might save ourselves from global warming. Yes, the Truth was clear.

I support the teaching of Intelligent Design in all schools- it can not be doubted that The Holy Word of Bobby and the truth of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, must be given equal credence to other theories such as Intelligent Design and that other theory, the one involving logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence…science or whatever that twaddle is called.

5 thoughts on “I’ve been touched by his noodly appendage!”

  1. Your argument works here “liberal humanist” ( when did those become bad things? ) Canada. One of the reasons there hasn’t been such a push for the teaching of creationism *cough* intelligent design in Canadian schools is the general acceptance that if you are going to teach a faith based view on how we came to be, you can’t discriminate on which faith you teach; you have to teach ALL origin stories.

    But in the “God fearing” and “God blessed” ( seems contradictory to me, but then I’m a liberal humanist with pagan leanings πŸ˜‰ ) United States of America, shutting out other faiths is the point. After all, they are *right* as they see it. There is only one truth, and that is theirs as told to them by the God in the bible ( as edited by various publishers and interpreted by various televangelists to be sure – but still the True word of God.)

    What can we that don’t live in a borderline theocracy learn from this?

    That we need to do a much better job of teaching not scientific fact and results… but of teaching what science IS. The anti science arguments so prevalent south of the border ( and yes here too, to a lesser degree ) misinterpret and misunderstand what science is and how it works, deleberately or otherwise. The “theory” of evolution is not the same as just a theory in general meaning. The “theory” of intelligent design is , in scientific terminology, not a theory, but an untestable hypothesis. The fact that scientists are never 100% certain doesn’t mean that they don’t know. It means that science is much more particular about certainty than other areas of human endeavour ( indeed, faith is all about being 100% certain, no matter what – the opposite of scientific discovery. )

    You and I understand these distinctions. But you and I are science geeks. Most people aren’t and don’t really understand the process. They read in the paper the latest “scientific study” that says fruit syrup causes warts and aren’t able to understand or evaluate the quality of the study, or the difference between pie in the sky guessing and rigourous establishment of scientific fact.

    The better people are educated about what science is and how it works, the better they will be able to see that science doesn’t threaten faith…and that most anti science attacks are not an attempt to protect faith, but actually an attack on peoples freedom of thought and belief.

  2. On a similiar note, a kentucky museum is teaching that people co-habitated with dinosaurs, and even had some of them domesticated. There are pictures of several “triceratops” with saddles and what not on them. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t for the fact that there are morons out there that actually believe in that garbage. A simple look at the carbon dating of dinosaur bones isn’t enough to dissuade them. I don’t know what kind of facts, if any would ever work on “these” kind of people, probably nothing. What is that term again?…oh yeah “Blind Faith”.


  3. I had an argument? πŸ™‚ Seriously, though- yeah, it frustrates me when people feel they have to give a particular faith “equal time” with science. Faith should be spiritual, and treating a faith as fact is absurd. Does the reality that the Bible contains factual errors invalidate the Christian faith? No. But it does mean that Christianity doesn’t make a good science.

    Likewise, I get angry when people treat a theory as a religion. When people start to consider something as “irrefutable”, they become unable to interpret contradictory facts logically. Unlike faith, which does not need to be supported by any kind of fact, science requires repeated testing and re-validation of every theory in light of new data.

    Now, personally, I’d like to think that a reasonable faith would embrace science and the complexities it reveals as proof of the brilliance and power of the creator. Whether the creator is the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Jehovah- either/or πŸ˜‰

  4. I like the idea of riding dinosaurs and such. What fun! The Noodly One would surely have blessed our ancestors with such an experience.

    And I’m sure that carbon dating is just being misinterpreted. Haven’t previous dating methods been invalidated? All such perversions of this “science” and “facts” are misdirections, placed there to punish and confuse those who doubt the One True Word. I’m sure that the ineffable wisdom of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will one day grant us the vision to see the Truth.


    Amazingly, the “humourous” bit above sounds an awful lot like some Bible thumpers I’ve heard speak. More worrisome to me is the fact that those sorts of people believe in raising big families, whereas more “intelligent” folks tend to have small families or be childless. I fear that we are on a path of inverse natural selection: humanity is selecting for ignorant, easily misled future generations incapable of forming reasonable opinions.

    I respect people who have a faith to guide those parts of their life where simple fact and logic based theory don’t apply. But I fear those too ignorant or just plain stupid to realize that faith should not be used to over-ride reason.

  5. *Does the reality that the Bible contains factual errors invalidate the Christian faith?*

    It does invalidate the faith of people that believe the bible is correct no matter what. Of course the strength and purity of one’s faith says nothing about the quality of what one has faith in. And then you get to the sticky question of where does faith end and delusional insanity begin?

    Philosophicaly, that is the role of science: not to tell us what is “”Truth.” But to set forth a proceedure by which people can come to aan agreed upon consensus of what is “real”. To find an agreed upon factual existence so that we don’t all live in our own little worlds in our skulls seperate from everyone else.

    I say the sky is black, you say it’s green, who is right? Who is telling the Truth? Both or neither. What we can do is say that it reflects light of a certain wavelenght and that the vast majority of humans when exposed to that light wavelenght call it ‘blue’.

    The problem is there are people who are unwilling to join in a consensus, that are unwilling to accept anything but their veiw, without compromise and in total. I would submit that that would make a good definition of insanity.

    Of course that definition makes most of the “religious right” insane, which maybe what they are really afraid of πŸ˜‰

    BTW: There is actually a movement afoot and it has graduated a number of people already to have “true believers” deliberately set out to get degrees in ecological and biological sciences so they can oppose science from within. I dunno, it seems to me the same sort of person that can spend 4+ years in university studying something they believe to be false, in effect living a false life…. is the same sort of person that can fly airplanes into skyscrapers.

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