Product Warnings

Product warnings are getting silly. “Warning: product in this container may be hot!”…on a cup of coffee or a hot apple pie. Or how about “Warning: side effects of this product include drowsiness” on a sleep aid.

Its all about litigation: someone sued the product manufacturer once, and probably won, so the warning on the container is intended to prevent other idiots from saying they weren’t smart enough to figure out that coffee might be hot. Its all part of the gradual dumbification of our society…the assumption that we must all be freaking idiots, because there is so much evidence to prove it.

I was reading a little “joke” posting on Slashdot today, which lead me to the Enchanted Mind site, which I found has some interesting humour. But the thing that got my attention today was their list of warnings based on modern physics, which I shamelessly repeat here.

The combination of modern physics and consumer protection laws leads to a new wave of product labeling.

  • NOTICE: Due To Its Mass, This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
  • WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Object in the universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses Divided by the Square of the Distance Between Them.

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