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Worst. Movie. Ever.

Its been one of those days…not much I want to do, not much I have to do. So, I tuned in a movie on one of the “free” movie channels. The title sounded cheesy, but you never know: Dracula 3000- Infinite Darkness. Its a science fiction movie set in the year 3000, wherein an abandoned ship is discovered by a small group of salvage hunters.

“Bad” doesn’t begin to describe this movie. It transcended badness, and moved into an entirely new realm of craptastic. Right at the start I noticed that their environment suit consisted of plastic hoses duct-taped to a painter’s air filter…and the “air tanks” were what looked like a couple of Pringles cans wrapped in duct tape and taped to the actor’s back with transparent packing tape.

But wait, it gets better. The vampires “super speed” is achieved through the complex cinematic effect of waving the camera around while it films in slow motion. The Dracula, who by the way is from the planet Transylvania in the Carpathian galaxy, bought his costume at a halloween store, foot-tall collar and all. Their futuristic weapons are plastic toy versions of modern guns with flashlights duct-taped on the top. Notice the common “duct tape” theme: they really splurged on their special effects. The ship is really a ship…from the looks of it, they rented a rusty old freighter somewhere. The crew’s high tech entertainment center in the year 3000 consists of a 13″ TV with a VCR (not even a DVD player) on top.

By the end, I was laughing uncontrollably. It reminds me of the “bad movie” nights my friends and I used to have back in our 20’s, but without all the booze. It was worth every penny…

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